1997 Catholic junior high dances were high stakes fuck fests where men were made or broken… no wait… they were actually as awkward as Andy Dick being blown by a slippery platypus. Let’s face it, talking to girls is hard now, but remember back when you had a zit for every fluctuation in your voice?
I thought an “in” would be to fully memorize Will Smith’s sweet steps with that CGI alien, and then pull it out “randomly” at a dance.
I positioned myself next to my crush and asked her to dance- forgetting that the dance portion doesn’t hit until 1:30 into the song. I stood around swaying like a jackass with no moves, distracting my crush until the breakdown and then jumped in to the fully choreographed dance… you know, “randomly.” Of course my serious ploy was laughed at. Suddenly, a circle formed around me- one of humiliation and ridicule. A circle that has followed me since.
-pat
