It’s probably not a coincidence that it was also the first handjob she had ever given, but my first girlfriend thought I’d be really into anything I could get (apparently), because not only did she refuse to look down at the penis she was working (“They’re gross!”) but she also was sitting on my thighs while I lay on her bed, so that she could block the line of sight from the doorway BECAUSE HER MOM KEPT WALKING INTO THE ROOM TO ASK WHAT WE WERE DOING! Yup, there I was, a petrified sixteen year-old virgin getting a handjob while his fifteen year-old girlfriend and her Mom had a conversation.
Even with no frame of reference I knew it was the shittiest consensual sex act ever. And that was before she started chastising me for taking so long…
This guest worst is from comedian Will Weldon. Click on his name to read his very funny blog / comic strip. Submit your worst! Email us at worstlist@gmail.com.
