The year was 2001. I was a senior in high school, I had terrible acne, and I had yet to receive a blow job, ever. All my friends told me if I went to homecoming with “Sally” (not her real name, of course), she would totally let me fool around with her after the dance. Feeling pressure from my peers more than ever I very awkwardly asked “Sally” to the dance, and she said yes. While at the dance we shared multiple dirty dances prompting my friends to give me big thumbs up while they stood a safe distance away from having to talk to girls, let alone dance with them.
Eventually I very casually asked, “So what do you want to after the dance?” and she said, “we can go back to my place and watch a movie?” To which I replied, “yeah alright, cool.” But in my mind I was saying, “It’s blowjob time!” Sure enough we went back to her place, popped in a movie (what movie I can’t remember, it didn’t really matter anyways, we hardly watched any of it, BOOM!), and commenced with the foolin’, blowjob included! At the end of the night she gave me a ride home..did I mention I was a senior in high school and still didn’t have my license? Well I didn’t, I was pretty awesome.
We spent a very awkward 4-5 minutes in my driveway trying to make conversation. Then, as I got ready to exit her car and quickly go to my room so I could celebrate quietly enough to not wake my parents, I actually said these words out loud, “I’d kiss you goodnight, but that would be gross.” And I was gone.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a complete asshole. Somehow I thought it would be funny. But of course it wasn’t, and I quickly realized that I am definitely some kind of asshole. Moral of the story, I got a blow job before graduation. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This guest worst is from our friend Curtis William Neill. Submit your worst! Email us at worstlist@gmail.com.
