Welcome to the second installment of my new dick-lit series “The Tranny Diaries” … the movie will be out in the spring. Anne Coulter is attached to star. (zing)
worst response to a question: hot tranny honesty
There are some things you don’t expect to hear from your guy friends… even when you’ve heard them before. Or read, that is, in an IM.
Some say honesty is the best policy. They may not have considered hot tranny honesty. That’s when you innocently engage in an IM conversation, and get an answer like this:
Me: what you been up to?
Him: Fucking trannies.
Him: Ya dude.
And then there are some things you don’t expect to say yourself.
Me: How many?
Given his use of the plural, I thought it was a fair question.
Let it be a lesson, next time you drive down Santa Monica Blvd between Vine and Highland at 3am, remember that everyone deserves love.
And, presumably, some trannies are more charming than others…
“I can’t believe it’s not butter.”
There are some things you just don’t expect to hear from a guy friend.
But one particular guy friend has supplied me with the two best instant messages I’ve ever received. Hollywood has already bought the rights to the following two posts, which I’ll post back to back, you know, to symbolize the duality that is the tranny.
worst place for a tranny surprise: at work
Hint to anyone whose work computer is connected to a large monitor in order to show the room what’s on your screen… disable your instant messanger.
If you don’t, your friend may send the following AIM so that it pops up, like a surprise attack, in the middle of working on a script:
“so, I hooked up with the tranny last night”
Well, what does one say? Amidst the laughter I did my best to defend him. “She actually does look like a girl,” I said. But ultimately it was concluded, with the sensitivity one can expect to find in a room of comedy writers, that beauty (and perhaps gender) is in the eye of the beholder.
Trannies, more than meets the eye.
No, this isn’t an article from the fake newspaper The Onion. This is an article from the fake newspaper The LA Times. And notice it took two writers to do this one.
Really? She’d been looking forward to her life? A 17 year old girl was excited about the prospects of not dying? Thank God the LA Times has reporters and editors that can really get to the heart of a story, and treat it with the sensitivity and grace it deserves. Surely there was no better headline… I understand this one was chosen over other headlines such as:
“murder victim unavailable for questioning”
“parents of dead teen would rather have her alive”
“dead senior proven right: all that homework was a waste of time”
“slain teen known to enjoy breathing, waking up”
Someone take the LA Times off life-support already.
PS this was good fodder as a headline, but the story of this poor girl’s death really is sad and unnerving especially as an LA resident.
Michael Steele wants Black America to know that the GOP is listening…to stereotypes.
Now I know what you are thinking, and you’re wrong. King Burger is TOTALLY different than Burger King. It’s all about the back story. See, Burger King is about a king who is really good at making burgers…King Burger is about a burger who is really good at making burgers.
Don’t hate! Burger King probably has a 1 star rating on Yelp too.
No, wait…Burger King has a 4 star rating on Yelp. (Here’s a question - why would anyone rate Burger King on Yelp?)
I may not be at the point where I receive facebook invites to rainbow parties, or twitter about the regularity of my blinking, but you know it’s gotten bad when you catch yourself saying a sentence like this… outloud, and in complete earnestness:
“I’m working on a screenplay I wrote for my blog.”
Yes, my people are having lunch with Diablo Cody’s people. The future is here.
(obligatory but awesome future image)
Note to my family: for the future, if it’s the anniversary of my grandmother’s death and we’re going to go to her grave with my widowed grandpa, make sure to arrange it around my vacation itinerary, otherwise I will apparently say something like…
“Maybe it’s selfish, but I only have 14 days and I don’t really want to spend 1 of them being sad.”
I didn’t mean it like that, Grandma!
Deep down, all republicans want to be liberals. Funny, gay, rapping liberals.
Favorite lines include:
“My conservative view is ‘Drill Baby, Drill’ - you can say you hate me but I’m praying for you still.”
“The standards of my crew ain’t republicans, dude. I’m repping Jesus Christ and conservative views.”